Heart to Heart with Malvika

Published On: January 17, 2017 11:00 PM NPT By: Republica  | @RepublicaNepal


Dear Malvika,
I have been in a relationship with a guy since 9 years. His parents didn’t like me from the start but we were hopeful that they would change their mind overtime. They haven’t accepted our relationship till now because of the differences in our caste. He hasn’t been able to convince his parents and I feel that he now regrets staying in the relationship with me. I talked to him but he says he can’t choose between me and his parents. I don’t know how to continue our relationship anymore. What should I do?

You are going through a similar situation that many young people go through in Nepal. I have been through the same situation myself. As a couple usually there are two choices, either take some time to convince them, take their blessing and  get married or just get married on your own and start a new life. I have seen many choose the latter option. They were later accepted by the family or some never got accepted at all. What matters in the end is the understanding and love couple has for each other. A son has to understand that sometimes he cannot keep his parents and his wife happy at the same time.

Sometimes one needs to choose and it is never easy. The parents have to also understand that they have to keep their child’s best interest at heart and they will not always like what their children decide. I wonder what has made you feel that your man regrets being in a relationship with you. Has he been distant? Has he stopped talking about marriage? Or has he been making excuses to meet you these days? If that is the case then he is torn between his parents and you. But if he cannot make up his mind then both of you will never be happy. He has to be able to stand up for his love. If he cannot do that now then he will never be able to do it later. You have already given 9 years of your life to this specific gentleman. So, if he is not standing up for you then I feel it is not worth all the hurt that both of you are going through. Maybe when the parents find out how miserable their son is without you, then they might just change their minds.

Dear Malvika,
I met a woman near my jobsite, I work in construction. She is younger to me. We started talking to each other and soon became friends. I once took her out for lunch where she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. She was very interested to know the type of woman I like and car I drive. She even asked me to drop her home, which I did.  Now after 5 months, I think love her. I got jealous when I saw her go out on a lunch with a male co-worker but when I told her about this, she said I had no right to get jealous. I asked her if she ever had feelings for me and she said she just thinks of me as a friend. But she is always looking for me at work and always tries to flirt with me. Do you think she would date me if she didn’t have a boyfriend? I am confused.

Clearly, if she has a boyfriend as she says then she should know where to draw the line. Also, since you know she is in a relationship, why would you put yourself in this situation? Some people like flirting. It is in their nature. Never take such people seriously.

Because in the end, you end up getting hurt. If you have communicated with her regarding your feelings but did not receive a positive response then it is better not to pursue. It is best to tell yourself that she is just a friend and that is how you should keep it. Also ask yourself what it is about her that you like. Do you guys have anything in common? Basic attraction is not enough to carry forward a relationship. You need something more concrete than that. If after this analysis you feel that you still want to be with her then try this: stop giving her importance, talk about other girls and see how she reacts. If she likes you she will get jealous and may even show it. Once she does, remind her that she has a boyfriend and you are free to like anyone. And if she says that she wants to be with you, then see how it goes. But if she takes it normally then buddy, it’s time to move on!

Dear Malvika,
I am 21- year-old girl and have a best friend of opposite gender. He used to have crush on me but I didn’t feel the same way for him back then. When I started to have feelings for him, he said that his parents wouldn’t allow us to get married due to differences in our caste. So we decided to remain friends but after few months he started to get close with another girl. He doesn’t talk to me when she is around even when we study in the same class.  I have asked him about their relationship but he says they are just friends but I feel that they are more than friends. I know I am wasting my time but I can’t ignore him. My exam is coming up and I am having hard time focusing on my studies because of this. What should I do? Help me. 

It seems that your best friend does like this other girl. Apologies but that is what it is. He liked you and you didn’t like him, then you liked him but he had excuses and now he is getting close to someone else. I mean, if he is your ‘best friend’ as you say so then he should act like one too. Best friends do not do this to each other. Once the feelings of love come between friendships then it starts getting complicated, especially if both parties do not feel the same. And since he knows that you have started liking him, it must be awkward for him to say that he likes someone else. Tell him that your friendship means more than anything. And make sure to assure him that it’s okay if he likes someone else.

So keeping in mind that you are just 21 and that you have your exams coming up, I suggest you to focus on your studies and nothing else. Relationships will come and go but your studies and career are very important. I wouldn’t want you to regret not focusing on your studies later on.


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Dear Malvika,
I am a divorcee with a child of 3- year old .I am in love with a guy who accepts my situation. The problem is with our family who are not accepting us because of social stigma. We both are independent and there wouldn’t be any problem if we got married without their consent. But I don’t want to hurt both of our families. What should I do? How do I get out of this situation?

When it comes to the matters of the heart and if families do not approve then it does get complicated. Especially if you want them to be part of your happiness. You only live once but can love many times. And love has knocked on your door twice. Do not let it go. The only question you need to ask yourself is whether your man loves you and your child and if yes then it will be enough. You have already been though one trauma (I presume) with your previous marriage. You do not deserve another one. It will be hard to convince both the families. But after they see how happy both of you are, there will come a time when they will have to accept your unison. There is also the matter of your child. If your child is comfortable and happy with him then that is what matters the most. Choose wisely, choose love. Be happy and keep each other happy. And the social stigma that people talk about is only there because we choose to let it be there. Once we fight against it and live life our way, that stigma starts disappearing with time. Sending all the strength and love your way. May you be happy and start a new life.

Malvika Subba is a media personality, social activist and former Miss Nepal. She is also the CEO of Idea Studio Nepal.

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