Republica

We are a team of professional management and journalists — one of the best in the Nepali media. Our duty toward our readers is to provide them with impartial news, bold views, in-depth analysis and thought-provoking commentary. We shall do this without fear or favor, and we shall be guided by nothing but our conscience.

Know More

Latest Article By Author

Published On: June 21, 2017 12:45 PM NPT By: Republica

Heart to Heart with Malvika

Heart to Heart with Malvika

'Don't give up on the first attempt.'

Dear Malvika,

I am a 24-year-old girl recently graduated and working in an agency. After working for some time, I didn’t enjoy working so I resigned from there. After resigning, I now stay leisure most of the time which bores me. My parents keep on taunting me for resigning as they see me work less now and that really hurts. However, my mother still seems supportive to me. She tells me to choose a career path that I would enjoy. So, I decided to go South Korea for a Master’s degree program and after applying in two different universities, I got rejected in one of the universities that I had applied. I feel so frustrated and I don’t have guts to inform my dad about it. The result of another university that I had applied for will be published soon but I don’t have any hope that I would make there either. I am having negative thoughts about my career and now I have started feeling that I can’t do anything. I am losing my confidence though my mom tries her best to keep me hopeful and patient. I don’t know why I have been worrying so much. Please give me some suggestions.

There will always be times in your career where you will be frustrated.  The point is to hold on to what you believe. First jobs are never easy as one still is not able to figure out what they want to do. And working in an office might not be some people’s cup of tea. You should have waited for another job before you resigned but since you already have, the only thing to do here is to have patience. Parents will be parents and will want what’s best for us. But you have to know the world is growing competitive so at times, you have to hold on to certain jobs reflecting on the selfish reasons why you are there. You cannot give up on the first attempt as it’s easy to give up but difficult to maintain and keep the work intact. Regarding your university applications, nothing is lost as of yet. If not one you can always try at other universities. Handling rejection comes with experience and don’t let it get to you. It doesn’t mean you are not worth it; it just means there are better things waiting for you. You might be worried that you will let your parents down and it might embarrass you or maybe you don’t want to be proved wrong but take it easy and use your ego in a productive way. Hold on for the moment and be patient.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 19-year-old boy currently having completed my high school. I have been in a one-sided relationship for a couple of months now. Although, I have always known that she has someone special in her life already, I could not help myself from falling for her. I shared my feelings with my friends and they suggested that I open up and express my feelings to her. Apparently, I did the same and told her that I had been feeling special for her but she replied that she could not love me back as she was already in a relationship. I feel depressed and suicidal thoughts gush into my mind. When I realize that she is never going to be a part of my life the way I had imagined, the thought makes me anxious. I thought it was a hormonal change that every teenager goes through but it is getting worse with time. I tried to keep myself busy with books, music and hanging out with friends but it has not been of any help. She is aware of everything and tries to understand my situation and feelings. She is a nice girl and I don’t want to create any trouble for her but yet I feel bad for myself. Please give me some suggestion on what should I do.

What you have written takes me back to my teenage years. I know it’s not easy getting over someone at that age but time is a great healer and with time everything will be fine. I suggest you make new friends and even think of dating other people. If you say that you are already keeping yourself busy with this and that, sometimes being with another person might help too. But do take your time and don’t fall blindly if you are on a look-out for someone again. Your studies are more important now and like I say rejection does not mean you are not worth it, it means that there are better things waiting for you. If she has already said she cannot be with you, then it’s time to let go because there is no point holding onto things that are not meant to be. You need to block her from everything and not be in touch or try to see her at all. That is a better way to get over someone.

 

Dear Malvika,

I am a 26-year-old woman. I got married to my husband two years ago and in these years, I couldn’t conceive baby. My husband is doing every possible treatment for me to have a baby. In these years, my in-laws have come to know about all these things for which they keep on humiliating me. We have frequently visited our doctor but I have become hopeless now. I feel so upset about this lack and I suggest him to get married to someone else and part our ways forever. But he is not willing to do so and I can’t even see us like this. This makes me more helpless. What do you think I should do?

I am really sorry that you are going through this situation. First of all, no one should or can make you feel bad for not being able to conceive. That is very wrong. It is your full right to decide what to do with your body. I also hope that you have had your husband checked as conceiving is not only about women, it’s also about men’s health. I had my first baby at 34 and you still have nice possibilities to conceive because you are just 26. Please do not say lack. It takes 10 years or more to conceive in some rare cases and there is nothing wrong with that so, please do not call it a lack. The more pressure you take, the more difficult it will be for you to have a baby. Our body works in mysterious ways and sometimes we cannot predict what will happen. Planning on a child itself is hectic and just because you are not able to conceive now why you think your husband should marry again. That is not the solution. Are women just baby producers? Don’t we have other roles in life? If he married you I am sure it was not just to have kids. Don’t underestimate yourself by saying such things to your husband. Have patience and have some self respect for you and your body. If after trying various methods you haven’t conceived then it’s time to take a break and go on a holiday. Concentrate on your career or interests and don’t let your in-laws get to you. You are just making situation worse and breaking your relationship by taking all the pressure.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 24-year-old guy who recently graduated from college. I have been in a relationship with a girl for the past three months. Though we knew each other for a long time, we only started to feel special after we got to know each other. I have been applying abroad for my further studies but I don’t want to go abroad because I always want to be with her. I have been trying to convince my parents that I have plans to build my career here but they want me to complete my study there. Since it is a long course of three to four years, I am not ready and would feel insecure spending a long time there without the person I love. What would you suggest?

Three months is too short a time to make future plans on and hold your career for the same. If she hadn’t come in your life you would be seriously thinking about the further studies abroad. I know when it comes to matters of heart, it’s very hard for us to decide about our future. But, there is always the choice of the two of you applying together. That would be the best idea. If not then follow your heart and do what makes you happy but be practical about it. I left my further studies abroad for a guy and regretted it later. I thought if only I had patience and strength to finish it, I would have had an international degree. And it’s not a good feeling at all later. Love makes us emotional fools at times and regret overcomes us later. So be practical and make the right choice and deal with whatever comes your way.

Send your questions to
gennext@myrepublica.com or mycity@myrepublica.com with the subject line “Gennext-Heart to Heart with Malvika” or post it on our facebook page at facebook.com/gennextnepal.

heart, heart, malvika,

Share on Facebook

Share on Twitter

Leave A Comment