Dear Malvika,
I am a 28-year-old guy working in UAE for four years now. I have been in a relationship with a Muslim guy for a year now. He is planning to get married now and I don’t feel good about that. I really love him, and expect his love in return. I have felt that even he has feelings for me. He had promised me that he’d never leave me. But now I realize that he was not serious about our relationship. Since we work together, it has become tough for me to forget him. I took suggestions from my friends on this matterand have been realizing that I shouldn’t have been such an easy-going person as I was at that time. Every time we talked, he would not reply. If he had seriously considered spending his life with me, I would’ve come out in the open about being gay. I really feel hurt. Could you please give me some suggestions? 

I can totally understand the emotion and feelings you have at the moment. Being in a dishonest relationship is not easy and you are not the only one going through this situation despite being gay. Human beings are complicated, and so we think love is complicated but it is not. It’s us who make it complicated. That person should have been honest with you in the first place. If so, this situation would not have come about. Now that he has decided to get married to someone else, there is no other option but to move on. It will hurt, you will cry and working in the same place makes it all more complicated. Getting over someone who you have loved truly is never easy. Usually I advice that time away from the person is very essential. Distance helps us heal the heart and if you can, I would suggest you to change your job. Or if not ask for other shifts if possible. Distract your mind with something else, learn to love yourself and give time to yourself. Go on a holiday and connect with friends. Think this happened for good as now you have more chances of meeting another person who will love you for who you are and appreciate you more. Always remember, time is the best healer.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 25-year-old woman currently pursuing my advanced degree. I was in a relationship with a guy for six years. We had quite a smooth relationship within these years and used to check each other’s email and Facebook accounts. It was a month ago that I found out through Facebook that he was having an affair with another girl. I was completely shocked to know that and could not believe whatever was happening. From that day on, I have not been able to talk to him though he has been asking the reason behind my awkward behavior. I can’t tolerate him for a second now and have not communicated with him since. I have been badly hurt and I don’t want to share my feelings to the person who caused me pain. What do you think I should do?

You should definitely tell him what you know. I know that you are angry and hurt right now. But if you do not confront it at this time, you will always have that hatred and resentment within you which is not healthy. We all have to move on from such feelings in life. Maybe he will lie or he will tell you the truth and whatever he says will hurt all the more. But you have to confront him and tell him what you know. After that whatever he says is up to you to decide. With long term relationships, sometimes people go astray. Maybe there are things in your relationship which you did not realize and he felt the need to connect to someone. It’s a constant effort being with someone and love is not enough to keep it going. Maybe you guys can talk it out and share what the major problem is. When it comes to cheating or having affairs people always focus on the person who has cheated. But they do not want to accept as to why they did what they did. There are always problems with couples who cheat and it is best to talk it out rather than keep it within you forever. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 24-year-old guy currently working in an organization for two years now. The job pays me well, but the satisfaction is not really worth it. I had dropped a medical degree two years ago to study what I wanted, which made my parents extremely upset. They seemed disappointed with me, but they are happy as I earn well now. The problem now is I want to indulge myself in social entrepreneurship and I am confident regarding the competency it requires. But it would be a great risk as I would not be able to earn as much as I am earning now. It scares me taking another risk since I don’t want to disappoint my parents again. I am utterly confused and seek some suggestion from you.

Business is risky, I won’t lie. For the next five years, it will take a lot of sacrifice from your end to make it happen. But if you are adamant about it and you have confidence, I say go for it. Hardworking people always get the fruit of their labor. It will take some time but it will happen for sure. Gain knowledge and learn some business tips. You can also get some training on entrepreneurship. That is very helpful. It might look easy from the outside but starting something from scratch is very difficult. You are also at the right age where you can learn and experience new things. I hope you have tested your product and done right market research. If you have all the books ready, the financial plan set and the money required for it. I would say go for it. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old guy. There is one friend of mine who made me meet one of his female friends. Since then, the girl and I got along quite well and I have started to like her. But one day, I was shocked to know that she was into that friend of mine who introduced her to me. Now I cannot even tell her that I like her and she keeps taking suggestions from me about initiating a relationship with that friend. I cannot endure this situation. I mean it is so painful to hear the person you adore bragging about a third person. I cannot ask her not to talk about him (our common friend) or take suggestions from me, let alone expressing my feelings. I cannot ignore her either. Please help.

Oh wow! You have definitely put yourself in a very awkward situation. I believe your guy friend has no idea about the girl liking him. If he did he would have shared it with you or shown some reaction over it. The only thing left to do here is to be honest about how you feel. First, to your guy friend as you never break the bro code. If he is okay with it then you go and tell the girl how you feel. Most people just assume that things will never change or people’s feelings will never change. I am sure there will be some surprises and shocks. If she respects you enough, she will be honest with you. If she doesn’t feel the same way about you then just be friends with her if you can. Maybe after sometime, who knows she might start liking you.

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