Remember the last time your children had their exams? You suspended all their extracurricular activities 

Nobody likes exams! I still get goose bumps just thinking of them. If I remember correct, come every exam, I would be almost sick. I was a good student but exams proved me wrong all the time. I would be so scared I would forget answers and mess up. The tragedy was that I would be teaching others and they would secure first division and I would end up with second division. I was not able to get over my fear of exam even till the end of my college days. 

Most of us have experienced something similar. We all know exam phobia is nothing more than a combination of anxiety and fear of the exam’s outcome. I have met students who feel physical symptoms resembling serious health issues. So much so that the person feels death or doom is near during every exam.  

Yes anxiety is a normal part of life. In some people this adrenaline rush crosses the limit and leads to negative consequences. Just the thought of the aftereffect of exams, ‘what if…’, does the trick. Remember the last time your children had their exams? You suspended all their extracurricular activities. Your standing instruction for them was to study all day; no movies, or tv, or even going out with friends. All you allowed was coffee, milk or tea and study, study and study! It was almost like you were kind of possessed by the exams along with your children.

I am sure you also remember your child’s night before the vital exam. Yes, it involved restlessness and loss of sleep. You have seen them brush up everything considered important for the next day’s exam, eventually witnessing your child falling asleep at the place of study. While you are at it, also remember your child’s morning of the exam. That is when another ritual starts: praying, remembering all the Gods and Goddess that they never thought about during the year. Then finally reaching the school ahead of time. Numerous times you have noticed your children nervously discuss possible questions with their friends. If you thought these conversations helped, then you are wrong again. 

Placebo effect 
These conversations don’t help. Instead of feeling calm, anxiety increases. At the time teachers become messengers of disaster. Students are so scared that by the time they get hold of the question paper, their hands are already sweaty making it difficult for them to even hold pen. 

Now the question is: why does exam phobia set in? I know you are saying, ‘why else? You did not take exam seriously and study well and are afraid of the results’. Well parents, research has found that exam phobia hits both kinds of people: those who prepared and those who did not. I have seen children who attend classes regularly, complete all homework and study being victims of panic attacks during exams. So you see having your child cooped up during the exam is not the solution to beating exam phobia.  

I fully understand, exam phobia is a painful experience for a student and parents are hurt equally to see their children suffer. I have seen some parents figure ways to help bring normalcy to their child. My mother gave placebo medicines to my sister to overcome diarrhea before every exam! This fear is not something that goes away immediately. You have to condition your child right from the beginning to take exams normally. 

Parents, it is okay for students to have a bit of anxiety so long as it does not interfere with their performance. Please make sure you are not contributing to your child’s phobia by placing too much importance on the outcome of the exams and sometimes resorting to punishing them in case they do not do well. Then again punishment is not the answer to everything! Comparing their child’s results with others is even worse. All parents want their children to do well. So how can you help your child?

So long as they pass
I remember getting sweet notes from my children’s kindergarten school back in the US. They were simple and had a few pointers for parents to help prepare their children for exams. They were something like, ‘make sure you child gets a good night’s rest; have your child eat a healthy breakfast; make sure your child arrives at school on time; gently encourage your child to do his best.’  I did not give much attention to these notes at the time. But I followed the instructions, and it helped my children do well in their exams.  

Myself a victim of exam phobia, I tried to make things as easy as possible for my children. I did not put pressure on them to prepare exams. I let them follow their own schedules throughout the year but made sure that they kept up with the classes. I knew my children’s capabilities so I did not make much of their grades so long as they passed.  

They had the freedom to watch TV or play computer games during their short breaks from study. Since I did not put any restrictions, they did not watch TV or play games. I just reminded them cautiously. I always thought older children would eventually leave the coop and be on their own soon and that they too were responsible people.  

Our job is to put them in the right direction. At the same time teaching them to love their studies helps. They understand that they need to get good grades to study further. Our badgering will only make things worse for them. I believe in giving them the space to think and strategize as the best option. 

No more, no less 
Let your children understand that exams are just a measurement of their performance on that day and on the topics asked. It does not give the whole picture of their overall intelligence or their grasp of subject matter. Just ask them what they expect of you during their exams. Rest assured, everyone has their limits and that they will try their best at the exams. Make it very clear that you don’t expect them to ace the exams but just do the best they can. 

Finally, teach your children not to think of studies as dull, boring and hard. That will only add to their difficulties in learning. Instead create an atmosphere at home that will make your children love their studies. Help them develop the good habit of studying on time. Studying at the last moment for exams only increases pressure on the young minds. On your part, please take your child’s fear of exams as natural fear of unknown and lack of experience in dealing with high-pressure situations. Now that is not a lot to ask for, right parents?

The author is an educationist and author of several children’s books
usha@pokharel.net

 
• exam
 
• phobia