heart to heart with Malvika

Make the right call at the right time

December 27, 2017 09:11 AM Republica


Dear Malvika,
I am a 21-year-old girl and I belong to a conservative Chettri family. I am currently in the third year of my MBBS program. I am in a relationship with a guy who is five years older than me and belongs to the Newar community. I am afraid that someday I will need to end our relationship because my parents will never accept an inter-caste love marriage. I spend each day in the fear of losing him. What can I do in this situation? What would you suggest me to do on this matter? 

First of all you are only 21 years old. You have few more years to think about settling down. You are just in your third year. Focus on your studies and don’t think into what ifs of your relationship. We are the new generation who don’t believe in the caste system. And when we love, we love from the heart not the head. So in this regard, your love is pure. Cherish it. You cannot jump into conclusions regarding this right now. Finish your studies, be something and start a career. When you become financially independent, it will be easier for you to pit forward your case to the parents. Now is not the right time. It will be stressful and will harm your studies. When you guys can look after yourselves then it will be easier to break the news and take whatever comes your way. As for parents, they will understand and accept your choice after a while. There are many like you who take the courage to be with the person they love and you can too. But not right now.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 32-year-old woman currently working for one of the reputed NGOs in Nepal. My husband is abroad for work. I feel quite alone here in the absence of my husband. May be if we had kids, I would not have felt so lonely.  But we don’t have any kids. My husband only visits me during holidays, but I want him to settle down in Nepal. He wants me to join him, but I am not ready to give up my work here. I don’t know what to do. Please help me out.

Marriage is about partnership and sometimes sacrifices. The solution for both of you is that one of you has to make a decision as to who leaves what for the other person. And that has to come from oneself. It cannot be forced. And whatever happens after that is something you will have to face. You are talking about raising a child on your own. Which is courageous of course, but that also means you will have to do everything on your own and it’s not easy. Both of you have to be together someday and soon. Too much of long distance is not good for the relationship too. Your child will need both parents to be together. So now you and your husband should decide among yourselves regarding what the next step should be. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old medicine student studying in India. When in Nepal, I was in a relationship for six months. But it kind of faded with time and due to the increasing distance between us. We talk sometimes over facebook, but I haven’t told her that I have been dating a girl here in my college. I don’t know how she would react to this because as far as I know her she is a possessive partner. What do you think I should do?

You are already dating someone else, and you know that the relationship has faded. Now if you felt that it wasn’t working out because of distance, it would have been a separate case. But here you are already with someone. That means that, this is a no go area. The only thing you can do here is break up with her. Don’t lead her on. It’s not fair. If you don’t feel it then just tell her. What you want to say is up to you. But you cannot go on like this. The more you wait the more expectations she will have. You have someone in your life and let her have hers. So just make that call and tell her that with everything going on its not working between you two. There will be tears and may be some shouting as well as accusations, but this has to be done. I would rather suggest you tell her, than keep on with something that is not going to work out. It is also not fair on the other person that you are with.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 24-year-old guy currently studying business, but I really want to study fashion designing. My parents are not happy about the fact that I want to pursue my career in fashion designing. I have made all the arrangements to join a fashion designing course, but I’m waiting for my parents’ consent. Once I complete my business studies, is there any possibility that my parents will allow me to study fashion designing? I am confused. Could you help me come out of this?

I don’t know your parents, so I cannot say confidently whether they will accept you studying fashion design after completing business studies. But then again that is an option that you can pursue. Fashion is also a type of business and if you have studied business, it will be helpful for you later. So you can take forward both simultaneously. And once you excel at what you do, your parents will eventually understand. May be they feel that fashion designing does not earn you much money. But if you are business-minded and are smart about it then you can definitely make some fortune out of your skills. So just go for it and follow your heart. 

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