heart to heart with Malvika

It’s time to sit for a healthy talk

February 14, 2018 10:21 AM Republica


Dear Malvika,
I am a 34-year-old woman and I have been married for past 15 years. My husband is a government employee and he has to travel out of the country frequently. We have two sons and most of the times I alone have to take care of them. My husband is rarely home. Even when he is home, he does not pay much attention to the kids or to their studies. I have heard people say that he might be cheating on me and at times I too suspect the same, but I have not been able to talk to him about the same. Can you please suggest me what should I do on such a situation?

It’s really sad when men do not choose to take responsibilities of their home and children. It’s high time they stopped using work as an excuse to not spend time with the family. I am sure with the distance and the time span there might have been a fall out between you two. So now it’s time to have the talk. Sit down with him and express how you feel. And you have to be stern with him when you tell him that it is not going to work this way for long. He has to take responsibilities of his children too and know what they are doing and how they are. If he gets angry with you for this then you have to confront him that his children need him as much as they need their mother. Also whenever he is home, give him attention and make it comfortable for him. If nothing seems to work I suggest you go for couple’s counseling. As for the cheating part, unless you have proof or he confesses, you will have to trust him on his behavior.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 25-year-old guy currently doing my bachelor’s degree. I had been friends with a girl for a long time and had developed feelings for her. One day when I told her about my feelings, she denied my proposal but we remained friends for some time. Eventually we started talking lesser and now we have not talked since months. Although it’s been quite some time, I still miss her. But she seems to be completely unaffected. Should I try to get close again or should I let her go? Please suggest me.

It’s time to let go. You have already expressed your feelings toward her and she did not feel the same way. With ladies, if they feel for someone they make sure to be with them. It’s as simple as that. If she hasn’t been in touch with you or doesn’t seem affected then it means she doesn’t want anything to do with you, especially after hearing how you feel. If she did, she would try everything in her being and would still be in touch with you if she wanted to. So if you see her somewhere or with someone else, just go talk to her and remain friends but don’t go down this lane because it isn’t happening for sure. Instead mingle with others, go out on dates. Maybe your love is somewhere else.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 27-year-old currently living in New Zealand. I came here four years ago to do my post-graduation. I have completed my college and am currently working in a company here. During my college year I met a girl here and we fell in love. She has been pressurizing me for marriage and I too want to marry her but the problem is my parents, who live in Nepal, have traditional mindset and would not accept me marrying a foreigner. They want me to marry someone from our community while my girlfriend is insisting me to take her to my home in Nepal. I find myself in dilemma. Can you please help me?

You love her, she loves you, you want to marry her and she wants to marry you. So now I don’t see what the problem is. I am sorry for being blunt. But it’s the two of you who has to spend the rest of your lives together. I understand your families have different values and beliefs. But I am sure you guys don’t. And isn’t that what matters at the end of the day? There are many Nepalis who have married foreigners and lived a blissful life. I think you should bring her to Nepal and introduce her to your family and see how that goes. If they like her so far, that’s good but if they don’t, then it’s up to you. You need to marry for yourself not for others and what if they had a problem with a Nepali girl too. You never know with parents. It will take some time to convince them of course. And both of you have to be patient about it. It’s not going to happen in a day for sure. So I hope you both have that strong bond that you can endure what comes your way.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 21-year-old nursing student. I am in a relationship with a guy who is four years older to me. He is currently in his final year of engineering. Although we have been in a relationship since long, he doesn’t trust me. He always checks my phone and my social sites and gets mad even if I speak with any of my male colleagues or friends. Although I want to be with him, I am frustrated with his possessive behavior. We get into fights almost every day and this has been taking my peace away. Please suggest me what I should do.

These are not signs of a healthy relationship. It might look cool in movies, especially the Bollywood types, but definitely not cool in real life. Trust is the basic essential aspect of a relationship and if you don’t have that then it is downhill after that. He doesn’t even like you talking to another man, come on! Isn’t that sign of a volatile relationship? This is not going to work at all no matter how hard you try. You will be mentally exhausted and depressed by the end of this relationship and will have wasted few years of your youth trying to convince him. Relationships are supposed to make you happy not depressed. And you are so young right now. I was in a relationship as such at your age and trust me it did not go down well. In the end it took me four years and a broken heart to move on. A lot of courage and support from friends helped me along the way. So it’s up to you now. But if you insist you love him and want to be with him then take him everywhere you go. Introduce him to your friends, have them be friends with him and give him your phone all the times and see how that goes. Despite that, if he is still the same then darling you have a big decision to make.

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