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Heart to heart with Malvika: It’s never too late to restart in life

April 11, 2018 08:09 AM Republica


Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old boy currently studying in bachelor’s level. Since I have come from my home town to pursue my studies here, it was necessary for me to find a room to stay. I along with four of my friends decided to stay together and shared a flat five months earlier. Everything was going easy but then we slowly started having problems with each others’ habits that we were not used to. We have tried to mend this problem but it seems to be increasing with time. Our final exam is appearing and I want to change my stay but it is not possible to find any other place to stay in such a short period of time. I don’t want this to affect my studies in any way. Could you help me out in this matter?

It seems that you are in a very difficult dilemma. Have you tried making a daily schedule where each member has to do certain chores? And that could be put up in a wall or something and then everyone could follow. But yes for this to work well, everyone has to be on the same page. Giving each other space and respecting boundaries is very important while living together. If you are having difficulty then have you asked around in college whether you could share a space with other mates? Or you may even ask a friend if you can live in their house until the period you take exams. Also maybe you could even look for a hostel where you can stay until you find better accommodations. Unless you ask and look around you cannot find the solution to your problem. I hope it works out for you. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old girl. I don’t know if it’s good or bad but ever since the day I have come for my bachelor’s studies, I have started liking my teacher. Sometimes I feel he also treats me in very special way, special than the rest of the students. We don’t have much gap in age. I believe he is in his late 20’s. I am waiting for him to confess his feelings to me. But what if he is waiting for me to confess to him first? I am confused what shall I do?

Dating a teacher is a strict no-no while in college. It can jeopardize your college life. There are certain consequences to it. I would suggest that you do not act on it at the moment until you finish college or if he leaves the job. It can put him in a difficult situation too. I know that many people have gotten married to their teacher or their student. But in recent times there are certain protocols for teachers too. There will be negative backlash if people find out. And that would be extra stress for both of you. There is no rush to be in a relationship and if you feel that your feelings are true then hold on to it. It can just be infatuation too. And maybe he is just attracted to you too. I hope you get what I am trying to tell you right now. Maybe it won’t make any sense now but it will surely do later on. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 33-year-old lady and I’ve lived my entire life doing what basically everyone expected me to do. I am teaching in a school for 10 years, and even though I was exhausted and had a bad feeling that it wasn’t the career path for me, I stayed because people in my life were proud of me for being a teacher and I just didn’t want to risk disappointing them. Also 10 years ago, I married a man that deep down I had a bad feeling about, but I stayed because all my friends were getting married and I was terrified of being alone. I should have listened to my gut, because for our decade-long marriage, I was verbally abused, financially controlled, and manipulated. Had he not left me for another woman, my insecurity might have made me still stay with him. But now I feel empty and depressed. I want to stay strong and move on but have not been able to do so. Please help me.

You know what, finally you are free now. Why don’t you get that? Women stay in relationships and marriage because they have to and their husband won’t leave them but still abuse them. Here you are presented with a situation where you have no obligations to anyone. So I would suggest you go on a trip, a mind-cleansing trip. Use your savings. Go somewhere out of the country. Maybe to the sand beaches where the weather is nice and treat yourself to the best you can. Try yoga, maintain a healthy life. Do what you have always wanted to do. Read that book, Eat, pray, love. It will give you a different perspective in life. And it’s never too late to restart. Like I said you have been presented with a chance to start afresh. Take this opportunity and go rule the world. 

Dear Malvika
I am a 28-year-old guy and I’m currently based in Sydney, Australia. I graduated from the university here and had been doing a job in a restaurant here. My earnings were good and I had been enjoying my stay here. But my visa is due expiration this year and my applications for further stay got declined. I am planning to go back to Nepal and start a new life there. But the problem is my family and friends expect much from me and have been worried about my future and career already. They have started their own plans without my consent and I feel angry and frustrated about it. I want to be able to something on my own. Can you please share with me your words of wisdom? 

I would say welcome to Nepal. We have been brain-drained with all the students going out of the country. With an international degree and some experience you will do quite well here. I am sure your family has certain expectations. But once they see you make up your mind and focus on something good they will be proud of you. I see most parents would rather prefer their children stay abroad than come back home. I don’t understand this mentality. I wish parents would support them coming back. Maybe they feel that you would be frustrated here and not be able to do well. Our country is progressing and we need educated people like you to take it ahead. So why don’t you come back, research and look at your prospective. And see how that goes. Good luck to you. 

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