I am trying to reach to the other side of the greyish brown river which is slowly engulfing me from the inside. My body seems to be strapped with something; I don’t remember anything of it and that didn’t even matter for now. I just wiggle hard to escape out for fresh air but all I can take in is the impure water. 

The closer I am to the other side, the farther it goes away and my body starts to give up yet my mind is still searching for hope. Slowly everything is silent and I can hear noise becoming louder and louder. It’s a brand new day and I just wake up. 

Suddenly I come out of my dreams and find myself in the bedroom sighing with relief that it was just a dream, a bad one indeed. Then the urge to catch some fresh air takes me to Pashupatinath. As I walk up to the sacred temple, along the ghats I noticed the Bagmati river flowing that reminds me of the dream I had today.  Aama had told me once that such a dream meant a bad omen, especially failure, and it was just a few days from my interview results. Anxiety rushes through my veins and I walk further up to Guheswori. The stone etched path, the greenery eases me up at once like before. 

I was out with Buwa like every morning; spending time with him was my favourite moment which makes me smile every time. But it now leads me through the worst moments as he is all occupied in his work. He says he is working hard for a secure future for us. However, not getting to spend family time is lonesome. 

Last week, I got called in for a job interview, they said they would call me within two weeks and the end of the second week is nearing. My qualification is outstanding and I had spoken well. “Where do you find yourself in ten years?” I went numb for a while but managed to respond haphazardly. 

I am a recent graduate and still in pursuit of what I want to be. As I am lost in my thoughts, I realise that I had just taken a few steps. Aama scolds so I hurriedly start walking to Guheswori, the steps seem endless but I keep walking tirelessly.  

Finally, the steps end and I find myself standing on top of a hill for a moment. Someone is calling my name from the behind but I can’t turn around to see who it is. Then suddenly I feel strapped like before but before I panic, a warm hand touches my forehead and says softly, “My child why are you asleep at this time of the day? There’s a call for you, go pick it up.” I wake up to Aama’s voice, confused and rush to receive my call.

Smriti is an undergraduate student of Bachelors in Development Studies at National College.

 
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