KATHMANDU, April 15: You get into a relationship, you breakup, you move on. That’s how the old unsuccessful relationships were like in the past but these days do you really move on, especially with the connections you have with an old boyfriend or girlfriend on Facebook, Twitter or any of the other social networking sites?
It’s a well known fact that the youth of today, across the globe, communicate through social networks. They don’t talk about their issues with family and peers but updates it on social networking sites, mostly on Facebook.
‘I am more comfortable sharing my opinions and talents on Facebook’, is what a typical young adult would say these days. They live their lives on Facebook and it wouldn’t be wrong to say that that the social networking site has taken over their lives. An evidence of which is going public about your relationship status. This is seen as a new step in one’s relationship these days.
Thus one wonders, if having one’s ex on social networking sites affect them in any way. Many of the people when asked about this topic say that it’s not very convenient for them to keep the connections even after a breakup.
Apurva Prasad, 19, wouldn’t like to have her ex on her Facebook. “I don’t want him to affect my present life,” says Prasad when asked the reason for it. She comments, “Although there are a few connections with him out of the social networking circle, we’ve got use to it and it isn’t that awkward. I generally believe that having one’s ex on your social networks isn’t very practical.”
Breaking up is a hard task to do these days. Even though you break up in the outside world, you don’t break up completely. You try to maintain your friendship with them because that was what you started off with but then you get little reminders of your past with the person when s/he updates about moving on, their current love life and how their life is beautiful with a new partner to care for. If you have moved on yourself, it would not cause any distress but if you still care, it will strike little daggers of pain in your heart.
18-year-old Matina Shrestha had a relationship about 2-3 months ago but since it ended roughly she now can’t bare seeing him anywhere including in her Facebook world or any other accounts. ”Breaking all ties will certainly make things better as with time I’ll forget about these things and he’s no longer in my friends list so there are no constant reminders about my past with him. If we were still friends on Facebook, it would remind me of the many mistakes I made. So I’m happy that he’s not on my Facebook,’ says Shrestha when asked about the topic.
There are only a few people who can go ahead and embrace a relationship or even a short fling as friendship after a breakup. If you do become friends, very often you cannot share your love life with them.
Prayag Kayastha, 19, broke off a relationship about 8 months ago and still has shares a good friendship with his ex on Facebook, especially because it ended mutually. Elaborating on the subject, he says, ”She has her own life and she can lead it in anyway she wants, I have no say in it. Her updates do remind me a little about what we had in the past but that’s just it. We only greet each other with a ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ and that’s it. I wanted to move on and so I did.” Prayag is currently in a different relationship.
The crowded web of social networking creates rather complicated and awkward situations for people who were once in a relationship these days. Friends and family can comment on your relationship status which can further spoil the relationship one has with an ex. It also gives people a chance to stalk the lives of the ex and to understand every bit of progress in his/her personal or professional life so that even though s/he tries to move on, they still are hung up on their exes.
Dr. Saroj Prasad Ojha, an Associate Professor of psychology at the Tribhuvan University Teaching Hospital (TUTH) comments, “Ours is a traditional country, we still follow the conservative rules of the society but today due to the internet, pop culture, peer pressure and social networking young people are getting into relationships and breaking up so very quickly. This does have a negative effect on their personal as well as professional lives.”
Dr Ojha is of the opinion that being in relationships, that too so openly, is a relatively new concept here in Nepal and the constant reminder of their past and the need to show off a new relationship to the old ones just creates stress, anxiety and unnecessary emotional problems. “Therefore, I don’t think it’s healthy or useful, in any way, to maintain social connections with one’s exes,” explains Dr Ojha.
Relationships demand time, effort and commitment from both the side and when they don’t work out there is a certain degree of emotional damage that occurs. To be friends with your ex or not is a personal choice regardless of both the parties having moved on or not. It is advised to shut the other person off till hearts have been mended in real and virtual world, unless one is ready to deal with the emotional storm seeing your ex’s new love interest can cause!