KATHMANDU, Aug 11: There is a new vaccine in K-town. It’s called the “Bandha Booster”. The Ministry of Awesome Health (and Hazards) decided that due to the pandemic spread of bandhas; it was crucial for their team of expert health wizards and wizardnis to come up with this brilliant medicinal invention.
Unfortunately, like many other facilities that do not reach the nook and crannies of Nepal, the boosters were only made available to the selected few; mainly to the people living inside the valley.
Outcries of disapproval and disgust were broadcasted in the mainstream news channels where youths from various districts put up strikes, and protest rallies demanding that the booster be made available to everyone living in Nepal (and the NRNs also showed their support through Facebook likes and Twitter re-tweets); starting with the newly born babies.
No one can tell if the Booster has been clinically tested or validated or not; however, its demand in the “market” has increased rapidly in the past few days. My secret source has forwarded me bits and pieces from the conversation s/he was able to have with few of the inside-people in the Booster Campaign.
According to the inventor of this vaccine, the Booster is supposed to act as an anesthetic component in your immune system that allows you to shield your body and mind from actualizing the real effects of bandhas; creating a really strong wall of indifference.
The Booster is supposed to be injected into the vein of an index finger; that takes the vaccine directly into the brain cells that form “critical ideas” and generates a slow, vibrating, numbing sense of the cells so that any negative or critical thought about bandhas will be prevented from being thought of.
One of the Booster users confided to my secret source that she has been feeling extremely jolly lately and quite productive at her work after being vaccinated.
She started to feel a slight, tingly feeling in her head on the 5th of August, when the series of 6-10 am bandhas were announced. She contacted her uncle, who coincidently was also the team leader of the Booster campaign; and was immediately rushed into their lab and provided with the Booster.
After undergoing an hour or so of slumber, she woke up to a refreshing “baby-pink-and-blue-balloons-in-the-air” feeling; and walked all the way to her work and finished up all her deadlines.
Another loyal Booster user added that the vaccine prevents you from feeling all those emotions of frustration, depression and enragement that are caused by the bandhas.
One of the team members of the campaign, who was listening to these testimonials, eagerly added that the team was thinking of a large scale supply of The Boosters so that maximum people can benefit from this.
So far, the ideas they have come up with are: to infiltrate the water supply system of Kathmandu with the Boosters (however, the scant water supply scenario poses a problem) or to heat up the vaccines in a large amount so that the vapor mixes up with the natural rain-water cycle and hopefully, before the monsoon season comes to an end, after some days, it will start to drizzle the Boosters.
When I told this whole deal to one of my mad-scientist-medicine-student friend; he found the idea preposterous; mainly because his argument was that our human bodies naturally produce some hormones that create the exact kind of effect that the Boosters claim to make; calling this whole Booster hullaballoo a scam to leach money off people.
He believes that many people in the valley and outside have already started to secrete this hormone; and therefore will require no booster to remain oblivious to the effects of bandhas. And, that is what also accounts certain people protesting the bandhas; my friend thinks their bodies are yet to produce these hormones.
The Bandha Booster is available at any Booster stalls set up near cafés and malls. Erm, I decided to go against my friend and bought myself one just out of curiosity.
This morning, I woke up to feel slightly light-headed, but deeply satisfied with the sleep; came to work and wrote this article.
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