It’s been a few months since I broke up with my boyfriend. No matter how much I try and forget him, I can’t seem to do so. Please advise what I should do. I’ve been studying and doing assignments and keeping myself busy, but it’s not helping.
- Broken girl
Memories of a relationship are like tattoos – they don’t really go away. Some tattoos are beautiful and some are not. But either way, they become an inseparable part of you. I’m sure there were moments in the relationship which transformed you, that made you realize how beautiful the world is, and filled your days with laughter. Those precious moments are the prizes from the relationship that no one can take away from you. Don’t forget them – let it come to you so that you can smile at those moments again and again. What about the bitter moment? Those are the learning. Because he came into your life and because he left, you now know what kind of person is right for you and you know what it takes to make a relationship work. Let these tattoos be. Good or bad those tattoos are meant to be. They will never come in between you becoming a beautiful person that you are and it won’t come in between you moving on to have another blissful relationship.
Whenever I’m with a group I don’t know well, I can’t strike a conversation with them. I’m not a shy person but I just can’t talk. What should I do?
You’re okay just the way you are. First, accept and feel comfortable with yourself. If you ever met strangers who cared about the same things as you do, conversations will naturally flow. If they don’t, then maybe there’s nothing common to share – which is perfectly ok. There are two kinds of people in this world – those who are flamboyant but don’t develop deep relationships and those who develop deep meaningful relationships instead. Maybe you fall in the category of those better kinds.
I’m 16 and I just passed my SLC. I want to have fun but my parents aren’t allowing me to go out and I still have the 6 O’clock curfew. This is so boring. Is this how it should be?
(Smiles). This is an age-old battle of the generations!!! From my experience of having fought the battle, I think there are two things that parents need to be assured – that you’re safe and that you’re doing something meaningful. But even then, it opens door for negotiation. Then you fight it like you’re fighting to fit in the backseat of a microbus that’s clearly just for four people – you push a little, they push a little, they give up a little and you adjust. Finding the space to grow, experiment, and experience is a constant battle that every generation fights and that’s how it should be. Somewhere along their pulling and our pushing, we land up in a space that’s safe yet which allows us to emerge into someone different than what our parents ever became.
I’m a very outgoing person but my girlfriend’s not. And she doesn’t like me going out and staying out late too. She calls and checks on me all the time. I know she loves me but she’s also trying to control me. Should I break up? I know the decision is mine but can I still make this relationship work?
Are you really concerned that your girlfriend isn’t outgoing like you or is there a deeper problem? Do you think she doesn’t like you staying out too late or is it that she’s concerned about you? Is she controlling you and stopping you from becoming who you are or is there a chance she’s trying to bring out the best in you? Are you confused whether to break up, or have you been feeling deep inside yourself that you should break up? Does this relationship make you happy or feel suffocated? Do you really, really, really want to make this relationship work?
I’m 23, I have a job and I get pocket money too but I still can’t save money. I end up spending everything in like 15 days. How can I curb my spending and start saving?
Saving definitely takes a lot of financial discipline. To start with, I would list down my reoccurring costs – something that I have no control over; for example: house rent, bus fare, college tuition fee, etc. Out of what’s left, I would divide with 30, so that I have a rough idea of how much money I can spend each day. Additionally, I would keep track of where I’m spending my money. At the end of each month, I would analyze if I were spending money on things that weren’t needed or priorities. I would also set a particular time in the month for shopping and would take a carefully thought out shopping list. I always make it a rule to never shop for anything on other days apart from what’s urgent. Setting apart a day to shop gives me control over my budget and I avoid compulsive buying. Every now and then, I would treat myself a little with what I’ve been able to save, so that saving becomes fun.
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She’s been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade.