SLC is coming up and I’ve been studying and studying and my parents keep exerting more pressure. I know they love me and want me to get good marks but it’s getting a bit too much for me to handle. Why don’t they understand what I’m going through?
I’m sure the extra pressure is making things worse for you right now. Our parents come from a time where opportunities were limited and access to higher education and decent jobs were very hard to find for people from middle class families. Good education and exceptionally high academic achievement was their key to the opportunities they would otherwise never have. Whether they would find a job, get promoted, or get a decent salary to start a life in the city, were all correlated to their academic achievements. That was the story of their times. We’re fortunate that there are relatively more opportunities and access. Nevertheless, I understand that when pressure comes not as an encouragement but as an incessant fear and obsession, it can be really disturbing. There’s no other way but to have an assertive conversation with your parents where you acknowledge their concerns and their side of the story but assure that you’re doing your personal best to achieve your goals in life.
My father has been an alcoholic for a very long time. While he’s happy in his own world, our family has been torn apart. I’ve been told that people have the right to be happy. Should I then stop trying to change him? What makes him happy is making my life miserable. I’m 23 and I’m frustrated. What about my right to be happy?
The question perhaps is not whether you should or should not change him, rather if you “can” change any person to do anything. If your father has been an alcoholic for a long time, the chances that he’s going to change are slim. You could try to check him into a rehab or get medical help, but it’s easier said than done. You could provide emotional support to your father, which is also difficult when you are so young yourself and don’t have the emotional tools . Thus, as harsh as it may sound, the best way might be for you to move on and carry on with your life. Your life shouldn’t stop for something that you have no control over. Instead, what you can do is stop allowing this problem to affect you and put an extended pause in your life. You have the right to be happy, to pursue your dreams, and to develop your professional career towards a fulfilling life. Bunch of sad and tired people can’t make anything better. Your happiness, your achievements, your light might become the force that brings back the family together.
I’m tired of my friends trying to fix me with a girl. At the moment, I don’t want to date anyone. But friends keep fixing me up. How can I tell them, without being rude, that I just don’t want to date?
It’s very hard to find friends who care and are this persistent. The worse is when no one’s trying to fix you up, no one to take that extra step in trying to understand what you’re going through and making an attempt to support you even before you ask for it. If they think you should be dating, they probably feel it’s time for you to heal and move on from whatever is holding you back. We all need a gentle “push” sometimes to shake us out of our setbacks. Sometimes, we get addicted to sadness, to pain, or to suffering and that addiction stops us from moving towards healing. If you think you are in the process of healing and just need more time, assure your friend about it and communicate that you need time. But if you know you’re stuck, close your eyes, fold your hands, and let your friends give you that little push.
How does “IT” feel? Is “IT” a conscious feeling? How do I differentiate between “IT” and Infatuation? Should “IT” be perfect? Does true “IT” only happen once? Is there anything as true “IT” or is it just “IT”. How do I become sure in IT and about IT? Is IT a process and is there any formula for IT? What is love?
Are you planning to get a PhD in IT? If not, what are you going to do with the definition of IT? When you’re young, IT fills your life with joy and excitement and IT helps you grow into a better person. The only time when you have to start looking at the dictionary for the meaning of IT is perhaps when you’re about to make a lifetime commitment. When that time comes, you’ll have some grey hair, moustache and some wisdom that will signal you if IT is real or not. At that time, you want to remember, “Love feels very sure.” If you find yourself holding the ring and still wondering if it’s love or infatuation, then you are in trouble – it most likely is infatuation. But rewind to the present as you’re still young. Until that day comes, instead of getting into the facts and figures, why not just ask yourself, “Am I truly happy?” If you’re joyous, deeply content and the world seems to be moving in slow motion, then it really doesn’t matter if it’s IT or SHIT.
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She’s has been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade